I always felt like I was better at expressing my thoughts into writing rather than actually speaking. There’s always a lot going on in my head. I don’t know why and of what all the time, but I do know that I’m constantly thinking about multiple things that are unnecessary. Especially about bad things. Not necessarily bad things, but things that I shouldn’t dwell upon. Petty mistakes from me and people around me, the things people do, the way people say things, every outcome possible to a scenario, etc. Maybe this is why I’m so open-minded, but maybe this is why I’m so close-minded at the same time. I think about every little possible thing which makes me open-minded because I kind of already expected a certain result and whether it happens or not, I won’t be offended about what they do I always like to expect the worst in emotional scenarios, so when I mean close-minded, I mean that I keep my guard up and that the worst possible thing will happen in that scenario. That kills me. I can’t escape my fake reality sometimes.
When I think about my life back at home, I’m just reminded of so many great memories. I think of all my homies back at home, the times we’ve shared, all the fucking bullshit I’ve been through, and basically how I got to where I am today. It’s crazy to think that some of that has just become memories now. And it’s seriously a fucking trip to think that I’ve made so many friends, but in the end, only a few stayed with me. My whole high school experience… I’ll never forget it. Those people are people I will remember forever. I started off in middle school having a big group of friends, I thought once I got into high school, I’d be in that same group but as time went on, I realized I only needed a small circle; people that could be real and people I could trust. It’s crazy how I even got into a small circle by freshmen year, it was all so random. I’ll never forget Jhoe, Kristine, Kyle, Maryvel, Alex, Kristi, sometimes Allison Butt lol. So many people came and gone in our lives our freshman year.. We did some crazy shit and we met so many people. Honestly, we were the shit, Idgaf hahaha. I fucked with them and ride or die dude, it’s crazy to think throughout high school I was still close with most of them. Yeah, a couple gone and left, but in the end… those homies that I stuck with until senior year are always gonna be people I ride or die for.. It’s inevitable that we were all gonna make different friends and have different groups we kick it with, but honestly, I’ll always ride for Kristine, Maryvel, Kyle, Alex, Jackie. Throughout high school.. I just felt like those were always the real ones. Like, I know some have let go of the past and it’s whatever now, but the point is.. I’LL NEVER forget any of it. They were the reasons I made it through high school, and they will always be down ass homies to me. Needless to say, I did make a lot of other good friends by the end of high school like Cindy and June, they will always be old, good friends to me and it’ll always be a special type of bond between us 3. And Alli and Kreesha, those are my girls since 3rd grade, I’ll always fuck with those girls. And my class officers… Shit, I wouldn’t have survived senior year without them, I’ll never forget them and we’ll always have something special when we’re together.. And Chelsea and Bree, what would I do without those girls. They’re like my babies, I love them to death. And those group of homies (too many to name) how we all just enjoyed senior year together.. I’ll never forget that.. Yeah, we all got on each other’s nerves sometimes people didn’t like each other, but that’s just high school and I’ll never forget how AMAZING our senior year was just because we all put in an effort to make it the best. Is it crazy that I cry thinking about all this??? Like fuck, it’s such a fucking trip to think about whose come and gone in my life and who made me who I am today. I’ll never forget my struggles… the memories, and most importantly, the people. I’m grateful for everyone thats come and gone in my life because everyone had a purpose in my life, whether good or bad. Sometimes, I feel like people never feel the way I just described right now, but as long as they know how I feel.. that’s all that matters. I want people to know that I’m grateful for all the shit I’ve been through and who I’ve been with through it all. Because life moves too fast.. and life goes on so quickly.. sometimes, you forget. But I don’t want to ever forget. Even though life goes on and I can’t go back in the past anymore, I want to be able to reminisce and smile about it all, because I’m happy with where I am and how I got here. And sometimes, I just miss the past. I miss the memories. And I miss the people.