on the daily
It’s crazy how things turn out. Isnt it weird how you could be friends with a person, fall in love, break up, then you guys just become strangers again. When you guys do run into each other or have to encounter each other in coincidental situations, you can’t do anything but try to avoid eye contact and have that tension in the air. It’s just so crazy to me how you can know a person inside and out and then become total strangers again just because of a heart break. The worst part is, you still care about the person no matter how much you resent what happened between you two. You can’t do anything but pretend nothing ever happened between you two. And you’re just thinking if the persons thinking what you’re thinking, “can we ever be just friends again?” “do you still care about me?” and the simple, “how’s everything, I hope you’re happy where you’re at.” I can’t deny the fact that I’m still hoping the best for you and that everything’s going smoothly. As much as I front, you were a big part of my life, and I can’t avoid that. I just hope you learn and grow to your fullest potential. It’s true when they say you’ll never forget your first. I’m still having trouble trying to bury the past. But i cant keep resenting what happened Between us and i cant hate you forever. I have to Accept what happened and yes, i have moved on, but i just have to learn how to bury it and move on from the past. We’re both on to better things and I’m glad we moved on and were happy with who were with and where we’ve ended up. I just hope the best for you, I don’t want to leave high school feeling bitter towards you. Although things definitely changed and things ended on a bad note between us.. 3 years later, I still care about your well-being. Keep being your lil kid self, but don’t forget to mature and grow into the man you said you wanted to be. Wishing the best for you, J.
Marc Arjay Geslani, you have been nothing but good to me. After all the bullshit I’ve put you through, you’ve stuck by me. I’ve never met a greater guy than you. You’ve remained faithful and loyal to me for 2 years and 7 months now. By now, the guy would have already left or cheated on his girlfriend. But you, you’re just amazing. Even after all the shit I’ve done, you stick around and you understand me more than anyone else. Even when you don’t know the right things to say or do, you’re there for me regardless of the situation, holding me and comforting me. I fell in love with a diamond in the rough and I was lucky to be the one that found you. Regardless of our petty fights and the trials we’ve been faced with, our love is solid and I have no one else to thank but you <3 I love what our love’s been built upon and that includes God, we couldn’t have gone through any of it without Him. Cliche as this will sound it’s true, no one will ever understand our relationship and what we’ve been through. We both know we’ve been through hell and back, but our love still stands strong after all this time. You’re my best friend and security; you’ve become a big part of my life.
Resurfaced
When you think you’re completely over something, but all of a sudden your past emotions and feelings resurface and you can’t do anything about it… You can’t help but feel those emotions and try to deal with it. What sucks even more is when it’s been so long that you didn’t think your feelings from the past would ever come back again. But, I ignored those feelings for far too long that it came back to bite me in the ass. And then I wonder, how could something that’s not even a part of me anymore effect me this much again… as if I was re-living my past all over again. That’s how I know that played a big ass part of my life and I really did care so much and not even gonna front, but I still do care. Not in that way, but in the sense that I still care about your well-being. Maybe it’s just because I didn’t recieve the closure that I needed before I started this new chapter in my life. That’s partly my fault. I carried that baggage and I just left it there without throwing any of it away. You’d think by now, I’d be completely over it. The thing that sucks the most is that I can’t just ignore it because I know my feelings have to be dealt with. I can’t fully let go and move on, I wish I could and I wish it was that easy, but it’s not. It’s crazy to think almost 3 years later, these feelings just resurfaced unexpectedly, without notice at all. But the thing that has to be the worst about all of this, is my current situation. I love where I’m at and who I’m with, I love my relationship and what we’ve built our love upon. I love every quality and flaw of his self-being. He’s the guy I’ve been looking for and so much more. I’m in love. It sucks that I can’t give him what I gave you and I can’t give him a part of me because that part of me is dead and gone now, because of you. I can’t fully love him as hard as I try. It hurts a lot and I can’t pity anyone, not even myself, cus this is just what life is. This is reality and love is a bitch. I feel the only way I can fully love the one I’m with is if you just let me get that closure, but you’re too childish to see that I still even care about the past and that you’d even want to talk about it. How can you still be effecting me this way when you’re not even apart of my life anymore? That just goes to show that people need to get over their past before moving on to the future. I didn’t get to do that. I can’t blame anyone but myself. But now, I’m just trying to make up for my mistakes. I’m trying to reconcile the past that I never got to deal with. It took me awhile to even realize that this is what I’ve been feeling this whole time and how much I’ve been frontin. It’s time for me to make amends with my past and move on to better things with my future.
